Emergency egg donation appeal set up in the US
Washington, D.C. – In a dramatic turn of events, the United States is now officially accepting egg donations—not for scientific research, but to help everyday Americans afford breakfast.
With eggs reaching prices so high that the U.S. Treasury is considering printing a new “Egg-Backed Dollar,” government officials have issued an urgent plea to foreign governments: If you have extra eggs, consider donating them to your less fortunate American brothers and sisters.
“Think of the Children—They Need Scrambled Hope”
“We are facing an eggmergency unlike anything we’ve seen before,” said USDA spokesperson. “Egg prices have surged so high that many Americans are being forced to choose between rent and omelets. Families are waking up to dry toast, and French toast is now considered a luxury item only available to the top 1%.”
The crisis has escalated to such an extent that Congress is debating the launch of the Federal Egg Reserve, a strategic stockpile of eggs that can be airlifted into communities in distress. Meanwhile, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has reportedly started rationing powdered eggs as an alternative, leading to a widespread black-market trade in “real shell-laid eggs.”
The Rise of Eggflation and the New Barter Economy
As traditional currency becomes increasingly useless at the supermarket, desperate citizens are turning to egg-based bartering. One man in Ohio reportedly traded a dozen free-range eggs for a used car, while a woman in California swapped two cartons for a down payment on a house. In New York, a black-market “Egg Exchange” has been established, where rogue farmers whisper about fresh dozen deals in dark alleyways.
Economists warn that “eggflation” could reach a critical point where Americans might have to start paying their taxes in yolks. Treasury Secretary Jane Doe has assured the public that “the government is actively looking into the feasibility of an egg-backed economy but encourages citizens to remain calm and avoid hoarding eggs under their mattresses.”
How You Can Help
In these dire times, the U.S. Egg Council has provided a few ways all of us can help:
Donate Your Extra Eggs – If you own backyard chickens, consider sharing with your local community before they are confiscated as “strategic American national resources.”
Support Alternative Breakfasts – Toast, waffles, and despair are still viable options while we weather this crisis.
Pray for Chickens – These hard-working birds are doing their best. Give them a moment of appreciation.
For now, America remains hopeful. But as one grocery store clerk put it, “If this keeps up, I’m gonna start selling my own kidneys before I sell eggs at these prices.”
Until then, may your omelets be fluffy, and your bank account be able to afford them.