Muslim man dumps boyfriend right after sex—because it’s Ramadan

In a turn of events that has shocked no one except perhaps his own sense of consistency, a drunk gay Muslim man reportedly dumped his boyfriend right after sleeping with him—because he suddenly remembered it’s Ramadan and that “it’s haraam”

The man, who wishes to remain anonymous (probably because he’s too busy trying to justify his actions to himself), allegedly went from being deeply in love at 2:59 AM to being deeply religious at 3:00 AM, citing his spiritual obligations as the reason for the abrupt breakup.

From Sinning to Spiritual in 60 Seconds

According to sources close to the situation (read: his ex-boyfriend, who is still in disbelief), the night began as any other night of Ramadan would—with the man enjoying one too many cocktails, making out with his boyfriend, and eventually ending up in bed.

However, moments after the deed was done, our protagonist sat bolt upright, gasped dramatically, and muttered, “Astaghfirullah… what have I done?” before swiftly putting his clothes back on as if a lightning bolt from God himself was about to strike.

“I just can’t do this anymore,” he reportedly told his boyfriend, wiping away a single, alcohol-infused tear. “It’s Ramadan. I need to purify myself.”

“I’m not gay, bro,” he insisted. “you need to dress up and go home.”

Sources claim that he sprinted out the door, leaving behind his boyfriend, several empty vodka bottles, and whatever was left of his moral integrity.

The Rules of Selective Ramadan Observance

This latest spiritual awakening has raised serious theological questions, such as:

• Is alcohol haram before or only after ejaculation?

• Does breaking up during Ramadan earn extra points on Judgment Day?

Religious scholars have declined to comment, mostly because they don’t see this as a real problem.

Social Media Reacts: Halal Hypocrisy at Its Finest

As news of the incident spread, social media erupted with a mix of trolling, confusion, and theological debates that no one asked for.

Some of the best reactions included:

• “Bro really went from haram to halal in under 60 seconds.”

• “First halal breakup caused by post-nut clarity?”

• “Imagine explaining this at the pearly gates.”

• “I love how alcohol was fine but love wasn’t. Truly the priorities of a Muslim king.”

One user even suggested that “Ramadan speed-running repentance should be an Olympic sport.”

Will He Be Back After Eid?

While our protagonist has declared his absolute devotion to God, insiders predict he will slide back into his ex’s DMs approximately 30 seconds after Eid prayers conclude.

“Meet today?” as if nothing ever happened.

Until then, we wish him well on his incredibly flexible spiritual journey. May his sins be wiped clean, just in time to repeat them.