Netanyahu finds his spirit animal in Viktor Orbán, praises Hungary as a ‘democratic inspiration’
Orbán tells Netanyahu he needs not to worry about the ICJ arrest warrants since Hungary is proud of its disregard of European and international law
BUDAPEST — In a move surprising to absolutely no one paying attention, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has openly embraced Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán as his latest political muse, calling him “an icon of governance, media management, and selective democracy.”
At a joint press conference held against the gloomy backdrop of Budapest’s ever-shrinking free press, Netanyahu lauded Orbán’s methods. “Viktor has taught me that democracy is not about institutions or rights,” Netanyahu said, smiling warmly. “It’s about winning elections and then retroactively defining what democracy means. And he’s so good at it.”
Authoritarian Chic: The New Normal
Netanyahu, whose judicial overhaul plans have sparked months of protests back home, praised Hungary’s ‘model’ approach. “Why waste time arguing with judges when you can just redesign the court system to fit your needs? Viktor gets it. He even has a playbook — complete with patriotic font and nationalistic clipart — which I am currently being inspired by”
Orbán, for his part, welcomed Netanyahu into what some are calling the Strongmen’s Support Group. “We share many values,” Orbán said, “like securing national unity by labeling critics as foreign agents, philanthropists as public enemies, and opposition as mild inconveniences to be solved later.”
Freedom of the Press? More Like Freedom From the Press
Netanyahu expressed admiration for Hungary’s progressive approach to journalism, in which independent outlets are either ‘restructured,’ ‘acquired by friendly businessmen,’ or mysteriously ‘lose their licenses.’ “Why argue with journalists when you can just outlast them?” Netanyahu mused. “In Israel, we’ve only started flirting with media capture. Hungary is already married to it — happily, I might add.”
Jerusalem-Budapest Axis of Soft Authoritarianism
Analysts believe this budding bromance could have global implications, potentially inspiring an entire generation of leaders who believe that democracy is simply a matter of branding.
In fact, Netanyahu is reportedly considering implementing Hungary’s signature “Patriotic Transparency Act”, which mandates that all NGOs, human rights groups, and concerned citizens register as enemies of the state if they dare express concern.
Public Reaction: Lukewarm to Alarmed
Back in Israel, public sentiment has ranged from resigned sighs to protest chants rhyming “Bibi” with various unprintable words. Meanwhile, Orbán supporters are delighted to see their leader’s authoritarian export industry finally reaching the Middle East.
Asked if he had concerns about copying Hungary’s model too literally, Netanyahu was dismissive. “The only thing I’d change is the weather,” he joked. “But as for the crackdown on dissent and institutional hollowing? We’re the only democracy in the Middle East.”
International Response? What International Response?
The international community, as usual, issued a flurry of sternly worded tweets, followed by absolutely no consequences.
As the press conference ended, Orbán and Netanyahu exchanged matching baseball caps reading “Make Democracy Flexible Again” while shaking hands in front of a suspiciously enthusiastic police squad.
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