Pakistanis: The Global Human Rights Champions (Except at Home)

In an inspiring show of international goodwill, Pakistanis across the world have taken it upon themselves to champion human rights, advocate for oppressed minorities, and denounce injustices—so long as those injustices occur anywhere except in Pakistan. Whether it’s standing in solidarity with Palestinians, Muslims in Europe, or Black Lives Matter, these self-declared activists have a passion for justice that knows no borders, especially when it conveniently stops at the Wagah border.

Leading the Charge for Justice (Selective Edition)

Pakistani social media influencers, politicians, and intellectuals have made it their sacred duty to speak out against Islamophobia in the West, colonial oppression, and the crimes of global superpowers. Their Twitter threads are filled with passionate condemnations of human rights violations in India, Israel, and the United States, proving that no issue is too big or too far away for their righteous outrage.

At the same time, some minor and completely irrelevant matters—such as forced conversions of Hindu and Christian girls, sectarian violence, disappearances of journalists, enforced disappearances and killings of disenfranchized communities such as the Baloch, queer and trans people, and the ongoing persecution of the Ahmadiyya community—fail to register on their radar. But let’s not nitpick; after all, championing human rights is exhausting, and one cannot possibly fight every battle. Prioritization is key!

Defending the Oppressed (As Long as They’re Not in Pakistan)

Pakistanis have rightly taken a firm stance against discrimination faced by Muslims in foreign lands. “Muslims must be protected everywhere,” they say, with a solemn nod, as religious minorities in Pakistan scramble to find safe spaces amidst growing intolerance.

When France passed laws restricting religious symbols, the outcry in Pakistan was deafening. How dare a nation police what people can wear? Meanwhile, the occasional inconvenience of having a blasphemy law that puts people on death row for WhatsApp messages is just an internal affair. No need for Western interference in sovereign matters!

The Art of Protest: When It’s Convenient

In Pakistan, mass protests against foreign injustices are a beloved tradition. Huge rallies erupt over issues in Palestine, Kashmir, and Western Islamophobia, complete with fiery speeches and effigy-burning ceremonies. The passion is undeniable! But when it comes to protesting the “honor” killings, child marriages, or the ever-growing list of “missing persons” abducted by state agencies, the enthusiasm seems to dwindle. “Let’s not air our dirty laundry,” some whisper. “We have bigger battles to fight—like boycotting French perfumes.”

Criticizing Others: A National Hobby

Pakistani Twitterati have perfected the art of calling out double standards in the West. “How can the U.S. talk about human rights when they invaded Iraq?” they ask, conveniently forgetting how dissenters at home are often greeted with sedition charges. “Look at India’s treatment of minorities!” they exclaim, while casually ignoring the continued destruction of Hindu temples in Sindh.

Criticizing Israel and Modi’s India is an absolute must. It’s a matter of principle, a core value. Meanwhile, raising questions about the treatment of Pakistan’s own marginalized groups is often met with a concerned, “Why are you defaming the country? Are you working for RAW or the CIA?”

Conclusion: A Country Committed to Human Rights (When It’s Easy)

Pakistan’s dedication to human rights is undeniable—as long as those rights are being violated somewhere else. The noble tradition of holding foreign powers accountable while dismissing domestic atrocities as “complex issues that require context” continues to thrive.

So, the next time Pakistanis take to the streets or social media to call out injustice abroad, remember: their commitment to human rights is as deep as their commitment to fixing things at home—just selectively applied. Because, after all, nothing says moral high ground like ignoring the skeletons in your own backyard while pointing at someone else’s.