Stranded astronauts forced to thank Trump and Elon Musk before boarding capsule home

Photo: Screenshot from a NASA ISS broadcast

International Space Station – After nine long months of unexpected extended stay aboard the International Space Station (ISS), NASA astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams were finally given clearance to return to Earth. However, before they could step into the SpaceX capsule that would bring them home, they were faced with one final and unexpected mission: thanking Donald Trump and Elon Musk.

According to sources within NASA, the order came directly from President Donald Trump, who personally insisted that the astronauts express gratitude to both himself and Musk before they were permitted to board. A statement from the Trump office read:

“President Trump saved NASA. SpaceX exists because of Trump. Astronauts breathe oxygen because of Trump. It is only fair that before they return to Earth, these great American heroes acknowledge the man who made space travel great again.”

The statement then included a personal quote from Trump himself.

“You don’t have the cards. With us you’d start having the cards”

The astronauts, initially confused, were given a prepared script to read before departure. In a brief and reluctant statement transmitted live from orbit, Wilmore sighed and said:

“We’d like to, um, extend our heartfelt thanks to President Donald J. Trump and of course, Elon Musk, for, uh, everything. We wouldn’t be here today—well, actually, we wouldn’t be stranded here today—without their contributions. So, um, thank you. Can we come home now?”

Williams, seen nervously glancing at a SpaceX mission controller holding what appeared to be a red “DO NOT PRESS” button, quickly followed suit:

“Yes, thank you, President Trump and Elon Musk, for your… unwavering commitment to space exploration. This experience has truly been out of this world. We’re very excited to return.”

With their scripted gratitude complete, mission controllers immediately unlocked the hatch, and the astronauts were allowed to board the capsule.

Musk Takes a Victory Lap

Elon Musk, CEO of SpaceX and self-described “Chief Martian,” took to social media shortly after the astronauts’ scripted thank-you, tweeting:

“You’re welcome, earthlings. Now go tell your friends to buy a Tesla. #SpaceX #Trump2025 #MarsOrBust”

Musk later posted a follow-up tweet claiming he was “personally responsible for 97% of all human spaceflight” and hinted that future astronauts would be required to include a “verified” badge subscription to X (formerly Twitter) in their standard mission budgets.

Trump’s Reaction: “They Were Crying”

Speaking at a reception of a foreign delegatation in the Oval Office, Trump recounted the event to a crowd of supporters:

“Folks, you should have seen them, they were crying, okay? These astronauts, amazing astronauts, they got down on their knees, tears in their eyes, and they said, ‘Sir, thank you for letting us come home!’ They were BEGGING, folks. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. It was beautiful.”

NASA has yet to comment on whether such acknowledgments will be mandatory for future missions, but insiders suggest that astronauts on upcoming Mars expeditions might be required to display a portrait of Trump on their space suits to ensure a smooth return process.

As for Wilmore and Williams, they are expected to land safely on Earth this Tuesday—where they will hopefully not be required to kiss the ground while saying “Thank you, Trump.”